The Dandy Warhols will be swinging by Revival (783 College St.) for an exclusive "Welcome to the Monkey House" CD release party on August 19th. Those interested have a chance to gain access via Eye Magazine's swell promotional contest. Simply email Eye Magazine with the name of the author of the book " Welcome To The Monkey House". It's that simple. Contest closes August 13th. If you miss it, you can always catch them at the Opera House, September 8th.
William Shatner, the Canadian actor most famous for his role as Captain Kirk in the seminal sci-fi series, Star Trek, is the latest to endose the goodness of Kellogg All-Bran Cereal. Says Christine Lowry, vp-nutrition and corporate affairs, Kellogg Canada, "By teaming up with a well-known celebrity like William Shatner, we hope to increase awareness and motivate people to add more fiber to their diets." Abrasion would like to coin the phase, "Taking a Shatner". For example, "I'm feeling somewhat backed up. I wish I could Take a Shatner."
Financial woes and burnout cited as causes for the demise of Lola Magazine, the National Magazine Award 2001 and 2002 nominee. The feisty Toronto art scene quarterly will be sadly missed unless a potential suitor can ante up. Interested parties email Lola here.
NY Daily News reports possible Paris Hilton infidelity on Sum 41 squeeze Deryck Whibley. Spotted in L.A. apparently 'hooking-up' with Sugar Ray frontman Mark McGrath in a ladies' room stall, Paris had the following to say when questioned: "Are you kidding? That's bulls___. I'm in love with Deryck. I'm meeting him in London in, like, a week." Paris said love. Mmmmmmm.... But then again, who wouldn't be seduced by the suburban charm of Ajax, Ontario?
The inside scoop for those in the know, is that Trucker Hats are tragic, bubble-gum fashion pawnery. Choosey headgear afficiando's chose a statement that is reflective of themselves and the times. The Castro Cap is the moment, considering the socialismo movement towards community and anti-commercialism. Fidel is the last stoic resistor of Americana. Plus Castro Caps are not quite so ubiquitous. So we like them. For now.
National Post writer Scott Feschuk comments on the concert commentary:
12:35 Jian Ghomeshi for CBC Newsworld reports about the "awesome vibe"
1:33 Jian chats with Kathleen Petty on Newsworld. He is eager to talk about the "vibe" again. "Very, very great vibe here, Kathleen," Jian says.
3:46 Jian reappears on Newsworld with a fast-breaking up-to-the-minute Vibe Report: "It's a great vibe backstage."
5:17 Jian "Vibe" Ghomeshi returns on Newsworld: "... I've been here every hour telling you how positive the vibe is ..."
5:55 This just in: The vibe has changed! According to Jian, it's now a "vibe of community and goodwill ..."
What's your beef with Canadian beef? Premieres Earnie Eves, Gary Doer, Lorne Calvert and Ralph Klein took the time to flip burgers and ape for media coverage, urging international partners to open the border to Canadian beef. Many countries panicked after a single case of Mad Cow was detected in Canada in mid May. Alberta premiere Ralph Klein proceeded to chow down burgers, even eating off other people's plates before diving into a steaming bowl of PEI mussels. For the record, the now recovered Ralph Klein was a bit touched long before anyone ever heard of Mad Cow Disease.
Australian hard rock icons, AC/DC, played a furious set, whipping the swells of revellers into an a frenzy. Abrasion contributor Trini Tran notes them as the highlight of the evening, particularly when lead singer Angus Young whipped down his pants to reveal his boxer shorts bearing the Canadian flag. CNN reports more of the goods.
Montreal rocker and Abrasion favourite, Sam Roberts, kicked off the concert in true rock and roll style. So pumped to perform in front of the massive audience, Sam whacked his face so hard against the microphone that he chipped a tooth. If you find Sam Robert's tooth, please email Abrasion a photo.
Writer Jonathan Ames had the nerve to suggest in his article for Slate, that the Williamsburg Bank building in Brooklyn, New York is the most phallic building in the world. Inconceivable! When it comes to erections, no building can out cock the CN Tower. Complimented with the Skydome at the base of the shaft, the entire complex makes for a rather complete package. Given the Toronto landmark out-schlongs every other building in the world at 550 meters of freestanding length, it is time to raise our voices and cast our vote. To vote for Toronto’s priapic CN Tower as “The World’s Most Phallic Building”, email Jonathan Ames.
Justin Timberlake was booed and pelted with waterbottles and random debris throughout his solo performance as well as with his duet with the Rolling Stones. Although a bit of a misfit on the virtually all rock oriented bill, we figure the real motivation for the 450, 000 plus crowd's reaction was to the that passe stupid trucker hat. Justin, that is so lame. Next thing you know, you'll be doing McDonald's commercials.
Check out the webcast on CBC here. Enjoy, well see you after the big show!
Canada does pride itself on many things- social safety net, international fence sitter and polite pointy finger on all things Americana. And what could be more capitalist America than a rather vulgar Pentagon stock-market style intelligence system where participants would "invest" on terrorist attacks, assassinations, or middle east conflict activity. "The idea of a federal betting parlor on atrocities and terrorism is ridiculous and it's grotesque," states Senator Ron Wyden. As appalling as this system may be, we may consider a similar model in Canada for the prediction of federally-funded CBC television program disasters.
The Vatican has pulled that old religion card out again, calling to devout politicians around the world to move against the legalisation of gay marriages. In Canada, both Ontario and British Columbia have already legalised gay unions. Is the Pope's plea enough to stem advancement of gay couple marriage rights? "His [Canadian Justice Minister Martin Cauchon's] personal religious beliefs are not the issue here," said spokesperson Tim Murphy. "He is the Justice Minister for all Canadians. The key things we have pointed out is that this is a fundamental issue of equality and there will be protection for religious freedom." Irregardless of the outcome, the Vatican decree is yet another huge step backwards for Catholic priest and altar boy pederasty rights.
"To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue. ... [They are] gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and kindness."
Toronto SARS Benefit Concert performer, Justin Timberlake, is nearly on the verge of signing an endorsement deal with fast food monolith, McDonalds. Although not official, the deal will allow patrons to sue McDonalds if:
a) you're scalded by scorching hot coffee,
b) grow morbidly obese from too many Quaterpounders with Cheese, or
c) turn into a screaming teenage idiot, cause he's, like, so totally hot, okay?
Toronto police chief Julian Fantino made a statement assuring no charges will be made to concert goers found with small amounts of pot, but they will be asked to dump it or take it elsewhere. In other words, AMERICAN TOURISTS WELCOME!
Madonna and Missy to fluff sagging sales in the new Gap campaign. Sounds like a smart move, covering the demographic spread from aging shame-for-fame has-beens and urban hip-hop lesbians. Abrasion ponders the choice of Madonna to peddle the latest in low slung corduroy. The joy of corduroy is the familiar swishing sound the fabric makes as you walk. Since Madonna's knees don't touch...
Paris Hilton on her reality tv show "A Simple Life" with friend Nicole Richie: "We don't have, like, farm clothes," promulgates Paris Hilton. "We just wore our own clothes." Unless those camouflage hip waders are fur lined Fendi, chances are they're borrowed. Wait a second- are they wearing trucker hats?
Better start booking your vacation days now. The roster already promises films from such luminaries as Robert Altman, Lars Von Trier, Emile Gaudreault, and Deepa Mehta. Check the Toronto Film Festival website for regular updates or ticketing. The festival runs September 4th - 13th in 20 cinemas, or how Abrasion likes to call it: "10 days without sunshine."
Not quite the Oscars, the 2003 Digital Gun Awards blast off July 29, 8:00pm at the Gooderham and Worts Distillery District, 55 Mill Street in Toronto. Come check out this festival of digital format shorts made within 3 days! Free admission.
Toronto Raptor basketball wonder, Vince Carter, has signed on as replacement for Kobe Bryant on the 2003 US senior mens basketball team. Besides being dropped from the team and oceans of endorsement deals, Kobe is doing his best to keep from being dropped by the girlfriend he cheated on, by himself dropping obscene wads of cash on $4 million bling. Apparently, adultery doesn't come cheap these days. Kobe, considering how your endorsement contracts are bottoming out, you may need that considerable amount of money to pay your LAWYERS. And even if they put her up on the stand as your loyal loving lifepartner, how credible is her word now that you've made her out to be nothing but a GOLD DIGGER? Tune in to the rape trial via the court of public opinion.
Ironically, festival promoters don't seem to have ever attending a festival as teenager themselves. The long standing tradition of pre-outdoor festival BYOB (Bury Your Own Booze) where you go to the festival site under the guise of moonlight, dig a big hole and deposit large troves of beer, snacks and other contraband items for mid-concert retrieval, was only savvied up upon by concert organisers recently. Only 2 more burying days until the big show.
Tonight catch lit darling Dave Eggers, read from his latest book, You Shall Know Our Velocity, at the Church On Berkley, 315 Queen Street East. Doors at 6:30. Tell him you're a teacher. He might slip you a cheque.
Model slash actress Carol Alt, a fixture of the 80's modelling scene, is apparently having quite a difficult time obtaining her Canadian citizenship. "It's been heartbreaking, you have no idea. I'm doing everything they're asking me to do to prove I want to be Canadian," said Alt. "I'm stopping my life because of this and I can't. I've got to go on living in Canada, enjoying my adopted country until such time they tell me I can't stay here anymore." Sounds like she may be at a genuine impass, having exhausted the usual model tactics of pouting her lower lip, stomping her siletto'd heel, or crossing her arms. Fortunately, she has not resorted to strangling and throwing cellular phones at people's heads.
With the acension of women in the corporate arena, the gender role reversal continues to erode traditional male and female standards. As the playing field continues to level, men are increasingly more beauty conscious while women are increasingly more power conscious. The latest twist to jettison to the forefront, as reported by the National Post, is the mens watch. As worn by women. With large, bold, muscular designs and equally impressive price tags, these powerful symbols of position are increasingly prelavent in women's fashion. Notable celebrities sporting the look include Gwyneth Paltrow, Elizabeth Hurley and German supermodel Heidi Klum. Next season: penises.
Look at these people. LOOK AT THEM! Whatever strange cosmic force that united Liza Minnelli, David Gest and their carnival of wedding attendants in an orgy of unspeakable wealth, rehabilitation war stories, cosmetic cyborgry and awkward, open mouth kissing could not keep them together without threatening to implode the entire known universe. Seperation in full effect.
Some the best in Britain from artists you may or may not have heard of already. Nontheless, great new listening to add to your collection.
A person of unjustified or accelerated celebrity status, often ill-obtained through lineage, dating or relationship. Celebutantes are often featured in minor film or televison cameos and are regulars on publicity circuits. More often than not, talent is optional.
We at Abrasion were quite convinced that this relic was on the way out. However, nothing confirms the death of a hipster fashion moment then when mainstream Toronto media catches on, 3 months after the rest of media fashion pack. Declares Zenya Sirant in Now Magazine July 24 2003, "Borrow a mesh-back [trucker hat] from gramps or buy one of your own, but whatever you do, don't snooze through this headwear trend". Earth to Zenya. You slept through it 9 months ago.
Toronto is the first Canadian city to get its very own PUMA concept store. "The opening of Canada's first PUMA concept store will generate tremendous brand exposure and offer the brand a venue in which to exhibit the breadth of the product range, in an environment that is as desirable as the brand," said Ted Fletcher, President, Puma Canada. "The  Yonge Street locale combines the old with the new. Given that the space is multifunctional, we are able to mix retail and presentation space creating a positive and unique experience." Although Abrasion loves the old school hip hop flava of Puma, we also love disturbing this classic poopie.
Toronto's 15th Annual Beaches Jazz Festival hits this weekend. A more family oriented event, it's still a great excuse to get outside and enjoy the overcast. Parking is indeed a bitch, so public or human powered modes of transportation are recommended. Queen Street East (between Woodbine Ave. and Beech Ave.) & KEW Gardens
Bjork's 26th of August Toronto concert on Olympic Island, her only scheduled Canadian appearance, has been moved back one week to the 3rd of September. This is done due to scheduling and logistic issues. All tickets will be valid for the new set date. Tickets still available at Ticketmaster.
Widely raved upon as one of the next massive acts to stride out of the New York scene, A.R.E. Weapons a.r.e. a bit crappy. Sadly, the vanguard Rough Trade label may have misfired with this over-hyped, under-delivering metal + hip-hop + electro mongrel. NYC hiptress, Chloe Sevigny, may have helped draw the flocks to this band via her relationships with band members Matthew McAuley (current squeeze / vocalist), Paul Sevigny (dullard brother / band manager / instrumentalist), Brain McPeck (third wheel / guitarist), however the music is spotty with only a few stand-out tracks and the live show is an abomination. True, props given for defying musical genre conventions that, with more time and development, may solidify as did with the Beastie Boys. However, after attending the appalling Toronto concert at Lee's Palace, Abrasion made a point to steer clear of the recent Vancouver gig at Sonar. No point in re-torturing ourselves at a show consisting of bad metal hair, sloppy (possibly drunken) guitar work, programmed casio drum beats and band members launching themselves off the stage and painfully onto the floor. Twice. Loudly. What, at first, appeared amusing became startlingly pathetic with the realisation that they were not being ironic. Just bad. Actually, very bad. Recent single, Hey World, is maudlin karaoke at best with a chirpy kiddie choir in the chorus and a preachy, overly earnest message urging parents to give a damn. Avoid it to avoid the feeling that you've been hustled.
10 tracks + 1 hidden (36.3 minutes) Rough Trade
VERDICT? 3/10 for making us feel hustled.
If Trucker Hats can make a come back (although now graduated from fashion trendsetter to fashion victim), why not the quintessential trailer park hairstyle? Filmaker Jennifer Arnold explores these variations and more in her cross country documentary, American Mullet:
- Soccer / Hockey / Biker / Jocks / Studs = Hockey Hair
- Mexican Machismo Men = MexiMullet
- Lesbians = Bull Dyke Butch Cut / The Lesbian Haircut
- Native Americans = Mullet with Tradition / Hair Cut Short But Worn Long In Back
- Country Music Fans = The Billy Ray Cyrus
In the spirit of maintaining a smooth, safe and pleasant concert experience (we are, after all representing the Canadian motherland to the world), Abrasion provides a few more additions to the prohibited items list:
Having nursed over the past couple of days our National Post snubbing (Abrasion was not asked what we would have done if we had found Paris Hilton's errant cell phone), we have finally cobbled up enough strength to submit a proper response:
"If Abrasion found Paris Hilton's lost cell phone, we would frot it."
In an effort to ensure the safety of the 450,000 or so ticket holders, the following list of items have been prohibited from the concert:
With the impending series finale of Friends, it was only a matter of time before the capitalist franchise machine spun into gear to milk the afterlife of this "I ain't got no non-white friends" sitcom. Of note, Matt LeBlanc, who plays slow-witted Joey Tribbiani, was the only series cast member approached for a spin-off property. Gushes NBC President Jeff Zucker (pictured above overshadowed by The Joey), "Joey has emerged as the character America roots for and loves." Yeah. Lonely, loser, friendless America. Click.
Eunuch trivia, postings and masturbation poll. Join the discussion.
Alison Goldfrapp and Will Gregory have returned with a second brilliant offering of twisted, mesmerising beauty. Sidestepping the pastoral trip hop of their moody debut, Felt Mountain, Goldfrapp now delves into a world rich with sly sexuality, enticing vices and electronic burlesque. Incorporating elements of electro but being far too sophisticated to ever be labelled electroclash, the album flows with cinematic narrative, changing paces and pulse as Alison's vocals slink like silk over Will's synthetic trickery. Once you get past the electronic facade and begin to appreciate that Black Cherry is not a party album, the drama unfolds like a modern city fairytale of tarnished innocence and bristling sexual fortitude. The second single, Strict Machine, is out now.
The boon of image conscious "straight" males has risen to a new category of consumer products marketing: Repackage women's products- add masculine scent and resdeign artwork, show impossibly fit, "aspiration" male physiques and only slightly hint at homoeroticism. Sounds groundbreaking. Haven't Calvin Klein and Abercrombie & Finch been doing this for years?
Popbitch provides some insight into the series of White Stripes concert postponements, including Canadian dates in Toronto and Montreal. Jack White and actress/girlfriend/disappointingly un-indie Renee Zellweger, were recently involved in a minor car accident in Detroit. While the accident triggered the airbags to inflate, Renee's interupted oral attentions were apparently causing Jack to inflate. Sources could not confirm whether Jack was driving a Hummer at the time.
Thanks to the html genius of contributor, Crisis Girl, Abrasion Magazine now has clickie links!
Kick-off party tonight for the Toronto Volunteer Bridge (TVB). TVB is a new, non-profit organization that makes it easy for young professionals to volunteer. For more information, check the TVB website or call Matt Anestis at 416.957.8029. Launch Party at The Madison Pub, VIP room (3rd floor),14 Madison Ave. Toronto (416.927.1722) 6:30 p.m. - 8:30 p.m. Casual Attire. Munchies provided. Food donation bins provided so you can instantly feel good about yourself.
Abrasion likes to avoid ugly tabloid journalism like this, but we post this item with the question: Which crime is more heinous? That Naomi Klein, authour of the scathing anti-branding bible, No Logo, has purchased brand name products from Calvin Klein and Procter & Gamble, or that Box Magazine rooted through her garbage to find out? Hmmm...
Aussie Calvin Klein underwear model, Travis Fimmel, will star as Tarzan in the self titled WB drama. But don't get too excited when we tell you he's started filming season one. In Canada. Specifically in Toronto. Right now. Okay, sure he's pretty but can he act? No really. Acting is important. That's why it's called 'acting'. Oh yeah. Right. He's a model.
Since the legalisation of gay marriages in Ontario on June 10th, the City of Toronto has issued 362 marriage licenses to same-sex couples, 56 of them to Americans.
If "Glow" by J. Lo wasn't already such an eye-stinging celebrity cash-in, there is yet another reason for tears. Lancaster Group is introducing yet another Jennifer Lopez scent. Aimed at a more mature demographic, "Still" by Jennifer Lopez hopes to ensnare gullible 25 and older women as easily as "Glow" duped the teens.
With Prime Minister Jean Chretien set to retire, the choice for Liberal Party leadership is clearly a no-brainer. Vote here.
"Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what you can do for Marg." - Marg Princess Warrior, This Hour Has 22 Minutes
Billed as a "lifestyle magazine for people who serve in the military", Drill features such articles as "St. Rock's Sex Tips: Yes-Fly Zone" and sex column "Private Parts". Since the military service market seems so obviously niche, Abrasion speculates the title is an effort by government interests to keep the military boys tossing off to buxum centrefolds instead of shagging one another like randy sailors. Drill, launching in October, is published by John Brown Publishing, as British as the founders of Maxim.
LOBBY lounge opens tonight. 193 Bloor Street West, Toronto. Hors d'oeuvres and cocktails are on the house until 10:00, you shameless cheap chasers. If it blows, we didn't tell you about it.
A gerontophile is a youthful individual who has a sexual preference for older people. In old world speak, this phenomenom was termed Pedophilia. How we've empowered our youth.
An insider reports that director James Cameron issues ten "James Cameron dollars" to each of the crew on his set. Each time you piss James off, he revokes a dollar. When you get down to zero dollars, James kicks you off the set. Abrasion is morbidly fascinated with this. If you have any James Cameron Dollars, please email us a scan. Abrasion begs the question: Do James Cameron Dollars bear James Cameron's face?
Heated online debate over the concept of Metrosexual, a term use to describe straight men with penchants for frosted hair, Chloe jeans and $100 baby-fit t-shirts. Maybe this is a bit retro, but the term Closeted Homosexual does come to mind.
Select excerps from the Scott Feschuk (National Post) article in which Canuck comedian Norm Macdonald encounters Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie (of Lionel's loins) on their "A Simple Life" reality tv show junket:
Norm to Nicole: "Come on! Has anyone ever come up to you and said, 'You're black,'... And they all knew you were black?... Because you don't look black."
Norm to Paris: "So how much money do you have? I heard billions. Billions and billions... Did you know your friend is black?"
Norm to stranger: "Are you black?... I mean, full black? Are you full black?"
Crunchy debut from Danish duo consisting of Sharin Foo and Sune Rose Wagner. Very Jesus and Mary Chain styled riffs, trashy film noire moods and canned drum machine beats. Irresistably rock melodic, strangely recorded in B minor with each track clocking in at under three minutes (very Dogme). New album entitled Chain Gang Of Love, penned in shocking B major, expected August 25th in the UK and September 2nd in the US and, I assume, Canada too.
Tara Reid looked tarty and unremarkable at the Opus Hotel in Yaletown, in town to film an upcoming feature. Couldn't tell if she was drunk, but why bet against the house? Meanwhile, co-star Christian Slater looked scruffy and unremarkable, taking time out of the VIP lounge to chainsmoke outside. Across town, the ruma is that Uma (Thurman that is) was spotted at the Pacific Palisades Hotel. Her greasy haired Ethan was nowhere to be seen.
We at Abrasion are very sad to see the uber sexy uber model Eva Herzigova replaced by over exposed media and licensing ho' Jennifer Lopez in the latest Louis Vuitton ad campaigns. Perhaps a well timed bid for exposure to coincide with the release of the J.Lo / Ben Affleck stinker flick, Gigli? Perhaps. Abrasion recommends some more palatable cross marketing model alternatives:
- Alexa Vega, junior sequel strumpet, to coincide with the release of Spy Kids 3-D.
- Freddy Kruger, dermatologically challenged horror icon, to coincide with the release of Freddy vs. Jason.
- Seabiscuit, equine star of enonymous film debut.
- Paris Hilton, bombshell bazillionheiress, just because.
Paris Hilton on Wal-mart: "I went to Wal-Mart for the first time. I always thought they sold wallpaper. I didn’t realize it has everything. You can get anything you want there for really, really cheap." Clues sold seperately.
Blappy, smoothed-out freak jazz with only remnants of Herbert's signature stuttering electronic noodlery. Provides a nice laid back vibe for making out or supping. Some nice vocal work from Jamie Lidell, Arto Lindsay, Mara Carlyle, Shingai Shoniwa and constant collaborator Dani Siciliano, plus plenty of quirky cartoony horns
New Pornographers / Evaporators bassist, John Collins, was spotted at the Friday Night Burlesque show at Ginger Sixty Two in Vancouver. Having recently returned from a series of North American tour dates, he looked juxtaposed seated at a front row table with a group of metrosexual looking men, his cuddly photographer girlfriend, Julie Oya, gossip columnist, James Shameless, and crash journalist, Earnest Jones. The New Pornographer's brilliant sophomore album, Electric Version, is out now on Mint Records.
Sum 41 lead singer Deryck Whibley is rumoured to be dating the perma-bronzed hotel heiress, Paris Hilton, and sources speculate the pair to be cannoodling in a townhouse in a downtown Toronto borough named after a vegetable. You don't actually expect me to name the address. Really. That would be so invasive. However, when the couple happen to be in town, you can easily track them down by following the loud, obnoxious music blasting out of their stereo while perturbed neighbours speed dial the cops.
Abrasion Magazine has risen from its despicable ashes as a newly emerged weblog. Due to our editorial committment to trolling the world over for trashy, unsubstantiated gossip, rumour and/or conjecture of the most flamboyant and controversial sort, we at Abrasion found it a wee bit difficult to satisfy our advertisers commitment to "brand equity", "consumer friendly positioning" and "inoffensive vulgarities". Talk about Kryptonite. We just couldn't give it up. Not to mention all that nudity. And don't forget gratuitous violence. Yeah. And puppies. We like puppies, too.
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