ABRASION MAGAZINE
Saturday, January 31, 2004
  ROCK THE VOTE

The hair-metal screeching that Howard Dean demonstrated for us in his massively recontextualized act of Iowan hari kiri simply proved one thing: any successful Presidential candidate needs to rock harder.

 
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
  ABRASION: NOW TAKING SUBSCRIPTIONS!

Thank the lord we've finally got our asses into gear and set up email subscriptions for Abrasion. Thanks to Bloglet and all the subscribers who've waited or had spurious, inconsistent service. We are now... online!

 
  GEHRY DOES THE A.G.O.

Canadian architecture supernova Frank Gehry give the Art Gallery of Ontario a decidely sleek and modern facelift. "The north side of the gallery will receive a new facade of glass and titanium that will span 180 metres along Dundas Street and rise more than 20 metres from street level. The contemporary look will continue at the south end, with a new four-storey south wing overlooking Grange Park. A spiral staircase will rise from the second floor and link an airy, light-filled Walker Court with a new centre dedicated to contemporary art. The design also includes a new sculpture gallery along the north side of the gallery and a new members' lounge." See the estimated $195 million redesign here.

 
  GREEN GENITALIA AND HAM

Nothing like a tiny green pecker on a childrens's toy. The Christian right goes apeshit over the teenie weenie in the the Grinch. From Land Over Baptist: 'A quiet family dinner at the Gillman home turned into a nightmare from Hell on Sunday evening when little Matthew Gillman, innocently playing between the legs of his new Grinch toy, peeled back the green hairs to reveal a tiny, but instantly recognizable, green penis. Mr. Gillman, a prominent member of Landover Baptist, told authorities that he had just turned his head slightly to see what Matthew was doing when he saw the little green genitals hanging between the legs of the Grinch doll. "My stomach reacted instantly, and I threw up my entire dinner," he said. "Everyone was covered in vomit."' Abrasion wonders, in what kind of fucked up family does "innocent" and "playing between the legs" go together? Excuse us while we clean the vomit off our keyboard...

 
  NEWSANCHOR GOES NUTS

Toronto CityTV newsanchor Gord Martineau goes freakish and obnoxious as he tyrades on, well, pretty much everyone. Accordian Guy links us to the story: Martineau calls a Canadian singer a "homo," mocks a walkathon for cancer-stricken children and says his penis has more news value than a pancreas transplant." Frank Magazine, which posted the embarassing outtakes will probably have the videos suspended by now.

 
Monday, January 26, 2004
  THAT'S CALLED DIPLOMACY...

From potus.blogspot.com: "when a man tells another man that he thinks he's pretty, the courteous thing to do is to return the complement. Reid didn't do that. He just stood there stammering. Even more important, when the President of the greatest country in the whole world invites you to his hotel room to have a few drinks and watch wrestling, you go. That's called diplomacy."

 
  DUBYA LIKE HIS PRETTY BOYS CANADIAN

George Dubya hearts Scott Reid. Who the hell is Scott Reid? Well he's the Canadian strategist under the new Paul Martin goverment, a sort of Helen of Troy of the north, you might say. He's the blond and fit and MALE goverment aid that has everyone wondering if former drunkard, current President of the USA George Bush has inadvertently outed himself an appreciator of... ahem... male beauty. "Well, you got a pretty face,' Dubya told the surprised Mr. Reid. He wasn't done. 'You got a pretty face,' he said again. 'You're a good-looking guy. Better looking than my Scott anyway." Rense.com cobbles together the conspiracy theories. An excerpt:

"The Bush reputed male sex-mate details have enabled Red China, perceived by some as a sworn enemy of the U.S., and others reportedly to blackmail or otherwise unlawfully compromise the current occupant and resident of the White House, causing the disclosure of U.S. industrial, financial, and military secrets. Various reporters, including those of British Broadcasting Company, BBC, and Canadian Broadcasting Company, CBC, have, on their own, verified and corroborated the exclusive stories by this reporter as to the Bush relationship causing a breach itself by Bush of national security.
The FBI/Justice requests to the secret court acting as a type of U.S. District Court under FISA, included:

[1] that the FBI/Justice Department be empowered and authorized to use all means necessary to surveil the reporters, foreign and domestic, working on the story;
 
[2] that the FBI/Justice Department be authorized and empowered as to the War Powers, or similar provisions, to forcibly or otherwise stop the publishing and electronic transmission of any stories or pictures relating to George W. Bush in a Skull & Bones Society satanic ritual coffin engaging in homosexual acts with his reputed male sex-mate. The controller of satellites, the U.S. National Reconnaissance Office, NRO, to be ordered to block and obstruct all satellite transmissions of related news and pictures and graphics.
 
[3] That the FBI/Justice Department be authorized and empowered to block by forcible and other means any print or electronic news dissemination mentioning of the photo editor, Robert Stevens, of American Media, Inc., Boca Raton, Florida; of Stevens having been murdered by anthrax-by-mail, on or about September, 2001, through the aid, complicity, and connivance of U.S. Government civil/military covert operatives. And any mentioning or dissemination by news and other outlets, that the FBI by closing down the American Media, Inc. headquarters up to date, was thus blocking retrieval of reported pictures and supporting authentication as to George W. Bush in a coffin engaging as a proposed new member of the Skull & Bones Society, in a satanic ritual, in homosexual acts with his reputed male sex-mate who has numerous times visited Bush since that time; such rituals having been conducted at a building called "The Tomb", at Yale University.
 
[4] That the FBI/Justice Department be authorized and empowered to block phone, wire and wireless data, and other transmissions including microwave, between U.S.-based foreign journalists and their out-of-U.S. offices. And to block and obstruct, by means not disclosed to persons involved, of phone calls, data transmissions, and such, from such out-of-U.S. offices into the U.S. And to block phone calls, data transmission, and such, from outside the U.S. to U.S. phones and instruments used by reputed sources of data as to the Bush male sex-mate stories and pictures and authentications, and their national security implications.
 
[5] That the FBI/Justice Department, without such authorizations to be disclosed, to be authorized and empowered to shut down websites and other computer-linked and computer-generated means, used to disseminate such stories and exchanges of data, pictures, and graphics.
 
The secret court, as a form of U.S. District Court, under FISA, granted such requests by the FBI/Justice Department. The orders of the secret court went into effect on September 9 and 10, 2002. Thereafter, however, their Court orders were in part affirmed and in part reversed and/or vacated, by the secret Appeals Court provided for under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. The secret Appeals Court meets in sound-proof facilities in Baltimore, Maryland and their appeals decision was not publicly disclosed.
 
Who says there is no secret political police, no Gestapo, in the United States?"
 
Here in Canada, we have precious freedoms. Again, thank you so much for allowing them to be exercised in this instance.
 
Sincerely,
 
Rev. C.D. Thomson"

There is a pronounced lack of pick-up of this titilating Bush whack neither validating nor defuncting the theories. Perhaps a media hush to let it all quietly fade away? Here at Abrasion HQ, we're just glad Dubya said, "You sure got a pretty face" instead of the far creepier "You sure got a pretty mouth..." Cue the banjo music...

 
  FRIENDSTER FALLOUT: SLUTSFINDER WITH HOWWASSHE.COM

Before any date, it's always important to find out how easy the girl is, if she accepts anal, how well she scores on oral adeptness, and my personal favourite, how her privates taste. Now, the internet research just got more invasive. Check out if you're listed on HowWasShe.com, you filthy filthy whore. [via Gawker]

 
  SHAKE IT LIKE A HIDEY HOLE DICTATOR

Saddam toons it up with a cover of OutKast's Hey Ya. Watch Saddam's "Hey Allah!" here.

 
  ABRASION GOOD SAMARITAN AWARD: CONTRABAND CARRY-ON

Abrasion awards the Abrasion Good Samaritan award to the heroic woman with a purseful of panoply. Said woman passed through Laguardia airport with an undetected knife and stun-gun in her handbag. In the midst of her Detroit layover, she said to herself, "Oh, my God, I'm not supposed to have these here." She was taken into custody and released without charges. So let this be a bold example to all you wayward travellers: If your packing heat, it's never too late to retreat.

 
Sunday, January 25, 2004
  JUNIOR'S JAKING OFF TO JAR JAR

It's the must have toy for the season. Let your child spoon with Jar Jar into writhing sexual ecstacy. Me thinks Jar Jar Sexy!

 
Friday, January 23, 2004
  SIMON COWELL ON MADONNA...

The acerbic “American Idol” host shocked fans of the singer when he said, “Madonna used to be good looking. [Now] she’s a housewife." Madonna should be grateful he only commented on her looks... tee hee!

 
Thursday, January 22, 2004
  THE HIDDEN CAMERAS DANCE-O-RAMA

For all you sad bastards who missed nabbing the Hidden Cameras latest mockuformance entitled "The Skin and Leather Show", well, shit on you. In collaboration with the Toronto Dance Theatre, the magnificent Joel Gibb and company shame straight rock into the church closet. Kasm and earnest partake the Friday night sold out gig at the Winchester Street Theatre.

 
  BENNIFER NEVERMORE

Gawd, it's finally over. According to US Magazine, the fat ass and the jack ass are poorly scripted, poorly acted history. Millions relieved as Bennifer media saturation retina burns now offered chance to heal.

 
  STEAL THIS LOOK: ARTFAGS

Remember when geek chic tripped of the catwalk and in to silicon valley ready-to-wear? Well, it's official. Geek Chic is dead, long live the Artfag Aesthetic. Robot those bangs, break out the black hair dye and buddy holly those eye-glasses to the beat of the new wave drum machine. Steal the Artfag look here.

 
  URINAL SPORTS

Football fans (or 'soccer' for all fans uninformed) rejoice! Klokicker presents the football urinal sleeve! Aim yer pecker at the kicker and score score score!

 
Friday, January 16, 2004
  NEW SPEAK-A-PALOOZA: AMERICAN DIALECT SOCIETY part 6

Continuing with the finalists of the The American Dialect Society "language that shaped the nation", further coverage of choice exerpts from the website:

MOST EUPHEMISTIC: word or phrase which least says what it means to.

Winner

pre-emptive self-defense: noun phrase, an attack made before a possible attack. 45

Notables

population reduction: noun phrase, a combat assignment. 4

transfer tube: compound noun, a body bag. 11

extraordinary rendition: noun phrase, the deportation to a country that will receive a person unkindly, such as with torture. 5

 
Thursday, January 15, 2004
  NEW SPEAK-A-PALOOZA: AMERICAN DIALECT SOCIETY part 5

Continuing with the finalists of the The American Dialect Society "language that shaped the nation", further coverage of choice exerpts from the website:

MOST OUTRAGEOUS: word or phrase most likely to cause complaint.

Winner

cliterati: collective noun, feminist or woman-oriented writers or opinion-leaders. 28-38

Notables

torture lite: noun phrase, torture short of bodily harm. 14

useful idiot: noun phrase, a human shield for the enemy. 6

DILF: abbreviation for Dad I'd Like to Fuck, patterned after MILF. 21-33

 
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
  NEW SPEAK-A-PALOOZA: AMERICAN DIALECT SOCIETY part 4

Continuing with the finalists of the The American Dialect Society "language that shaped the nation", further coverage of choice exerpts from the website:

MOST UNNECESSARY: word for phrase for which we already have a perfectly good word, or which fills a need no one has.

Winner

freedom: noun, replacing "French" in phrases or compound nouns such as French fries, French kiss, and French tickler. 54

Notables

Bennifer: noun, the couple of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. 18

 
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
  MADONNA ANNOUNCES "WHORE OF BABYLON" TOUR

Neither crypt not poorly spun controversy can hold ol Madge back. Gawker reports on her impending world tour:
PRESS RELEASE:

Madonna World Tour 2004

Singer. Songwriter. Producer. Actress. Author. Superstar.

No matter what you call her, when Madonna hits the road this Spring for her first tour since 2001's Drowned World Tour, you can expect an evening of high energy entertainment!

Madonna will kick of her World Tour 2004 on June 1 in San Francisco and will continue to play arenas in 32 US markets, followed by performances in 12-15 European markets as well as four dates in Israel.

The U.S. leg of the tour goes on sale nationally on March 1.

Presenting Sponsorship for either the U.S. dates or the entire tour is available at $5M and $8M respectively. Aligning your brand with a proven talent such as Madonna offers a unique platform for your brand and your consumer."

Madonna: touring marketing machine.

 
  NEW SPEAK-A-PALOOZA: AMERICAN DIALECT SOCIETY part 3

Continuing with the finalists of the The American Dialect Society "language that shaped the nation", further coverage of choice exerpts from the website:

MOST CREATIVE

Winner
freegan: noun, person who eats only what they can get for free. 18-23-45

Notables:
tanorexia: noun, the condition of being addicted to tanning. 0

governator, gropenator, gropenführer: 20-27-32

manscaping: noun, male body-shaving. 22-22

tofurkey: noun, a faux turkey crafted from tofu. Also a trade name. 1

metrosexual: 12

 
Monday, January 12, 2004
  NEW SPEAK-A-PALOOZA: AMERICAN DIALECT SOCIETY part 2

Continuing with the finalists of the The American Dialect Society "language that shaped the nation", further coverage of choice exerpts from the website:

MOST USEFUL: word or phrase which most fills a need for a new word

Winner

flexitarian: noun, a vegetarian who occasionally eats meat. 31-41

Notables:

SARS: 12-9

-shoring: formative, indicating the location of jobs or businesses, including offshoring, moving businesses or jobs out of the country; rightshoring, returning them to the US; and nearshoring, moving them to Canada. 3

embed: 8

ass-hat: noun, a thoughtless or stupid person. 3

text: verb, to send a text message. 11-24

 
Sunday, January 11, 2004
  THE ONION: "A CARLOAD OF FAGGOTS JUST PULLED UP TO DRIVE THRU"

Continuing with our word of the year theme (Metrosexual), we pull an article from the Onion entitled "Carload Of Faggots Just Pulled Up To Drive-Thru, Cashier Reports." From the satirical website: "The car pulled up, and I was like, 'Welcome to Hardee's, may I take your order?'" [cashier Brett] Runnells said. "When I said that, they all started laughing hysterically. Then, one of them asked for a Frisco Burger without mayo, and I was like, 'That'll take an extra couple of minutes,' and that made them laugh even more. I've heard gay guys before, but these guys were really gay." Added Runnells: "One of them ordered the Big Beef Burger, and he totally said it like, 'Yes, I want the Big Beef.' And all the other guys in the car were like, 'Ooh, yeah, give it to me, baby!' That's when I knew for sure." Read more here.

 
  TEN THINGS THAT LOOK TOO GAY

In celebration of The American Dialect Society's word of the year (Metrosexual) we collect the following top 10 list of things that look too gay (courtesy of style guy Glenn O'Brienn):

1. CLOGS: If you are not a chef, or lack some other compelling podiatric reason for wearing them in public, clogs are a little too, uh, cloggy. It looks like you belong on a paint can or with your finger in a dike.

2. TOO INTERESTING FOOTWEAR: This includes anything that looks like it was once part of a pony. Or patent-leather shoes -- especially white Guccis with hardware. The only reason for having a bit on your shoe is if you plan on putting your foot in your mouth.

3. TWO EARRINGS: I don't care if you're a power forward in the NBA, wearing earrings in both ears -- especially matching ones -- is a little too symmetrical. If The Odd Couple were made today, Felix Unger would wear two earrings.

4. LEATHER PANTS: Ooh, mack daddy! Where's the motorcycle? Probably parked at the Y-M-C-A.

5. SYNTHETIC-FUR COATS: The teddy-bear- or gorilla-looking variety -- like the one that the spandex guy on Queer as Folk wears. There should be a People for the Ethical Treatment of Synthetics.

6. THE UNIFORM: A monochromatic dark-blue or black Gucci or Prada head-to-toe ensemble with peg-leg pants doesn't really make you look too gay -- it makes you look too gay-hotel-doorman.

7. PATTERN ON PATTERN: A plaid buttondown under a plaid jacket with a Burberry tie? It might have looked good on that mannequin in the window -- but he never moves. Too display-department.

8. TIGHT STRETCH SPANDEX OR LYCRA: Unnecessary muscles are way demodé, especially when worn in conjunction with tight T-shirts. Pumping irony is much preferable.

9. GOATEES, CHIN PUBES, AND TIN TIN HAIRCUTS: You know that butch crop, waxed up in the front like a wave about to break? Suddenly, there are an awful lot of guys who look like Tin Tin on lower Eighth Avenue -- and even he looked cuter when he was 12. Too NAMBLA.

10. BLEACHED OR FROSTED HAIR: Billy Idol today, Quentin Crisp tomorrow. And don't even think about plucking your eyebrows.

 
Friday, January 09, 2004
  NEW SPEAK-A-PALOOZA: AMERICAN DIALECT SOCIETY

The American Dialect Society tallies ups the votes for the language that shaped the nation. Here's a reprint of choice exerpts from the website:

WORD (OR PHRASE) OF THE YEAR

This is the word or phrase which most signifies 2003.

Winner:

metrosexual: noun, a fashion-conscious heterosexual male, or, as coiner Mark Simpson put it, a man who "has clearly taken himself as his own love object." 20-36-35

Notables:

pre-emptive self-defense: noun, an attack before a possible attack.18-10

embed: verb, to place a journalist with troops or a political campaign. Noun, a journalist who is so placed. 7

zhuzh, tjuzs: verb, to plump up, fluff up or primp. 4

governator, gropenator, gropenführer: noun, the current Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger. 3

weapons of mass deception: plural noun, the hunt for weapons of mass destruction as a pretext for war. 10

weapons of: formative, including weapons of mass destruction, weapons of mass distraction. 3

SARS: acronym for Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome. This was a surprise entry after the first elimination round, unorthodoxly nominated by one of our members from China. (no first round)-24-31

 
Thursday, January 08, 2004
  SUZANNA BOYD IS ALL "THAT"

New York Post scribes the decampment of Flare editor-in-chief. The working title of the new NYC based fashion magazine that Boyd will be heading is aimed at African American women and is tentatively entitled "That" (rubbernecking and sassy finger snapping optional). The article futher reveals that Boyd "goes out every night" and hyping her as the "hottest editor to come out of Canada since Bonnie Fuller." Go get Gotham, girl!

 
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
  BEHOLD! IPOD MINI

Contributor Kasm Van Dorstenborg points out the latest Apple gadget announced today at MacWorld: the iPod Mini. Five aluminum shell colours, even more compact design, 1000 song capacity, affordably priced. Can you say ubiquity threat?

 
  OUTRAGE AS BUSH PROCLAIMED NEW HITLER

From Chicago Sun-Times, "The liberal activist group MoveOn.org came under fire from Republicans over a television ad on its Web site that morphed an image of President Bush into Adolf Hitler. The 30-second spot was one of more than 1,500 entries for a contest MoveOn.org sponsored to find one that ''tells the truth about George Bush's policies.'' ''This is the worst and most vile form of political hate speech,'' Republican National Committee Chairman Ed Gillespie said in a statement. The ad shows images of Bush with text saying, ''God told me to strike at al-Qaida,'' before turning to images of Hitler with the words, ''And then He instructed me to strike at Saddam.'' The ad ends with the words ''Sound familiar?'' on a black and white screen. Meanwhile, MoveOn.org announced its 15 finalists on Monday. Pariser said the Hitler ad is not among them.

 
  CATS LINKED TO SARS IN CHINA

Genetic tests in China suggest a link to civet cats in a single suspected SARS case in Guangdong. An estimate 10,000 civet cats were ordered killed. In a related story, syphilis in 16th century Spanish marauding explorers linked to the New World rape and plunder victims. Aztec nation ordered killed.

 
  FLEETING CELEBRITY WEDDINGS: A RANKED LIST

Inspired by the unspeakably brief Britney/Jason marriage interruptus, Abrasion scores the countdown of the shortest celebrity marriages, in order of increasing brevity [via Tor Star]:
15. Shannon Doherty and Ashley Hamilton (9 months) reason: Shannen doesn't play well with others.
14. Shannen Doherty and gambling website owner and night vision camera fetishist Richard Solomon (9 months) reason: why ruin a good streak?
13. Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman (5 months) reason: Rodman initally sought an annulment after 9 days, claiming he didn't even remember most of it because he got married while intoxicated in Las Vegas.
12. Nicholas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley (5 months) reason: too much pining for ex-husband Michael Jackson.
11. Charlie Sheen and model Donna Peele (5 months) reason: Sheen" You buy a car, it breaks down."
10. Drew Barrymore and Tom Green (5 months) reason: Through sickness and through health, yes, but ewwww! Not with only one ball!
9. R. Kelly and Aaliyah (3 months) reason: Aaliyah lied about her age. She was only 15.
8. Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine (1 month) reason: there's no business like divorce business.
7. Drew Barrymore and bar owner Jeremy Thomas (29 days) reason: marriage proposals in dodgy back alleys at 2am generally don't last.
6. Darva Conger and Rick Rockwell (3 weeks) reason: Who Wants to Marry A Millionaire? Apparently not Darva.
5. Veteran movie producer Robert Evans and actress Catherine Oxenberg (12 days) reason: Evans "I forgot it had only been six weeks since I had been hit with a stroke."
4. Dennis Hopper and Michelle Philips (8 days) reason: Michelle got 'funny' with sharing her clothes.
3. Robin Givens and tennis instructor Svectozar Marinkovic (1 day) reason: playing doubles got boring real quick.
2. Zsa Zsa Gabor and Mexican lawyer Felipe De Alba (1 day) reason: "technically, Zsa Zsa was still married to her seventh husband.
1. Britney Spears and Jason Allen Alexander (1 day) reason: "took a joke too far".

 
  CRAFTY CANUCKSTERS: LUXURY ICE

From New Yorkish [via Gawker], "A Canadian geologist has developed an "ice alternative," pieces of chilled Scottish granite that have been cut into one-inch cubes which you can drop in your drink. They'll cool down your bevvy without diluting it – which might be important to you if you're sipping on something really expensive, such as, say, a bottle of '37 Glenfiddich, available for the bargain-basement price of £10,000. According to Scotch Rocks, the company behind the product, "The water that made the Scotch percolated through these primordial granites. When you put these rocks, which are from Scotland, in the Scotch, you're basically reuniting the Scotch with the granite." Okay, whatever. But you better have a some sort of good reason if you plunk down $90 for the four granite cubes, which come in a fancy gift box with a personalized brass tag. The good news, however, is that you'll be able to pass them on to your hopelessly alcoholic children. Since the cubes are made of a material that's been around as long as planet earth itself, your $90 should last you many, many bottles of the good stuff. "They do come with a million-year guarantee," says Howard Lahti, the company's founder.

 
Monday, January 05, 2004
  OOPS I'M SINGLE AGAIN

The gag is up. Britney and Jason Allen Alexander are officially annulled. Thank goodness for that. Covering this story was making Abrasion look lame, dragging us down with her own downward tradjectory. [Gothamist / TorStar / Bunsen]

 
  FLARE EDITRIX SUZANNA BOYD DECAMPS TO NYC

Glamazonian Suzanna Boyd is set to flee the title editorial reigns at Canadian fashion bible Flare Magazine to a new Time Warner fashion rag in NYC. What is Toronto to do without the stylish glam maven? National Post's Shinan Govani fingers several potential successors:
Adrienne Shoom: Flare's current Fashion Director
Derick Chetty: Flare's "Rock'n'roll" Fashion Editor
Leah McLaren: Maligned Globe and Mail ingenue
Jacqueline Hennessy: ex-Chatelaine editor, Rogers Television hostess and twin sister of TV star Jill Hennessy
Tammy Eckenswiller: Fashion Magazine editor of style and spunk
Leanne Delap: turfed ex-Fashion Magazine editor, wife of Jacob Richler
Jesus Chihuahua: Abrasion's delinquent fashion impressario
Meanwhile Suzanna Boyd joins the ranks of Canadian ex-pat NYC media moguls such as the American Media uber-baroness Bonnie Fuller and Vanity Fair's Graydon "smoking laws be damned" Carter.

 
Sunday, January 04, 2004
  BRITNEY SPEARS IS THE NEW JULIA ROBERTS

Newlywed Britney Spears-Alexander is no longer content with being the new desperate popstar gouging for public attention (re: Madonna). Looking elsewhere for inspiration she Vegas'ed a wedding [proof via Smoking Gun] with hometown boy toy, Jason "Don't Call Me Costanza" Alexander and is now seeking a quickie annulment. An unnamed source close to singer told People.com "that the wedding was a joke that went too far and Spears is planning an annulment." Julia Roberts' wedding indecisiveness out, Britney's gag nuptial in.

 
  FAMOUS SHOES: THE STYLE, THE CELEBRITY, THAT GODAWFUL SMELL

Catering to the celebrity starfucker shoe fetischist set, the Bata Shoe Museum presents Starstruck. The exhibit, running until February is described as "A Celebrity Shoe collection that celebrates some well known personalities of the past 50 years. Eclectic tastes and personalities of the famous, such as James Dean, Pamela Anderson, Gloria Swanson and Wayne Gretzky, are revealed in the choice of footwear worn in private and public." Please do not lick the manolo's.

 
  MEDIA WATCHDOG: DAILY CANDY PURCHASED

Media mogul Bob Pittman has bought up trendy and pr release regurgitating website Daily Candy for a reported $3.5 to $4.0 million US. Hell, we at Abrasion know how to reword press releases. Bob are you there? Bob? We're a website with basic word processing skills, too!

 
  BRITNEY'S WEDDING BLISS

Everyone is going nuts for the reported Britney Spears wedding to childhood friend Jason Alexander on Saturday in Las Vegas. The Review Journal reports a marriage license granted to Spears and Alexander with the Clark County marriage bureau. When asked to confirm that the ceremony occured, "a woman at the front desk of the Little White Wedding Chapel politely said she 'can't say anything about it.' She then zipped her lips with an imaginary key and immediately posted it on eBay.

 
Friday, January 02, 2004
  GREAT TASTE? GAY TASTE!

Sassy and straight contributor Miko Sosumi writes "Given the blank stereotyped cheque written to all homosexuals as being prim examples of all things good taste, sassy and sharp witted, an entreprising Californian winery is now specifically targeting gays and lesbians. Still, there are some caveats. Rule No. 1: There’s no such thing as “gay” wine (although Abrasion notes, there are wines gays prefer). Rule No. 2: If you’re after a particular demographic, you’d better not be pushing plonk. “First and foremost, you’ve got to make good wine,” says Felipe A. Barragan, co-owner of the Chateau de Vie bed and breakfast in Calistoga and a Merryvale customer. As noted in The Detroit News "Historically, wine companies — unlike the beer and spirits industries — have aimed most of their advertising dollars at the mainstream. That hasn’t changed much, but over the past five years or so there has been a small but persistent trend of marketing wine to gays. The pressure is on wineries to stay afloat in a global oversupply, and to compete with attractively priced imports. “The challenge right now for wine companies is there are so many brands that it’s not good enough that they simply be just another label on the shelf,” says Paul Wagner, owner of the Napa-based Balzac Communications & Marketing. “They want to find a situation where they can have the almost undivided attention of the consumer.” Wagner says research has shown gays and lesbians are likely to buy from companies that support "their community". But the pitch must be made without pandering. No one likes to be talked down to." Especially the "stereotyped" media savvy, hissyfit drama queen, cross be bitch and I'll Michael Alig you good, tastemaster gay person *add sassy finger snapping / rubber necking here*."

 
  JACQUELINE STALLONE'S ASS-TROLOGY

Sylvester Stallone's mother is a mystical soothsaying Rumpologist. What is Rumpology? It's like palmistry, fortune telling by the lines and shapes of you hand, except it's your ass she's looking at. Here at Abrasion, we try our best to be as cheeky as we can, but as asinine as it sounds, we refuse to make this item the butt of our jokes. Maybe we're being anal about it. Or maybe it's that Sly will pound us into the earth if we make fun of Mom's gypsy ass-reading profession. Whatever. But what better way to start the new year than to have your ass read, literally? Remember, this time you're paying someone to look at your ass. At most bars, it's as free as the peanuts.

 
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