The despicable ugg boot, essentially inverted furball footwear, is making the horror rounds Hollywood. "Uggs were resolutely lower-class," said Shelli-Anne Couch, a fashion publicist in Los Angeles who grew up in Australia in the 1970s. "They were worn by Westies, the kind of people who would have fuzzy dice hanging from their rearview mirrors. ... They've only recently became popular in Australia because American movie stars started wearing them." Thus, with ugg boots, sweat bands and trucker hats all graduating to the runways of New York and Milan, Abrasion trendspotters now suggest potential revolting low brow fashion accessories to writhe out of the pit of the decadently proletariat an into star spangled mainstream culture:
Diamond studded Squeegees by Gucci
Neon Fanny Packs by Chanel
Bingo Dobber Body Art by Anna Sui
The Straw Hat by Comme De Garcon
Beer Can Hat by Hermes
Wood Plank Slippers by Versace Signature Line
Irony and satire at its acerbic best. This parody website provides a raucous expose in racial stereotyping and highlights how pathetic attempts at racial sensitivity inadvertently sound hollow, dividing and condescending. As acrimonious against white perceptions on black people, the site also serves as a foil to the portray of black people by black people in the media. Rap music and 'black' inner city street culture so pervasive in popular youth culture- is it distorting the view of contemporary black culture where inner city corner block thugs as glamourised on MTV are painting our collective perceptions of the suburban black soccer mom? How does popular misconception affect the individual? Why do minority groups have to always "represent" their entire minority group? Does the percepton wedge that divides truth and perception perpetually widened as we are now hypersensitized to the confirm those prejudices? Does society ask minorties groups to "swing the pendulum" and behave in a way that is totally opposite to their nature in order to kill the sterotype, and thus, loose their distinctness, their unqueness, their cultural identity in process? Read the testimonials of confessed white people "Sally and Johnny" and their myriad of "black friends":
- Johnny always compliments me by saying things like, "Damn bitch you stupid fly," or by telling me you a big fine woman back that thing up. Just things that make a black girl feel good.
- Sally always says things that make me feel special, like: "You're so cool, you're different, you're not like other Black people!"
- Sally and Johnny are always giving me my props on how good it is that I graduated from college and that I do not have any illegitimate children. The fact that I have never been to jail makes me a "credit to my race" in their eyes. They know my race needs all the credit it can get. Thanks for looking out you guys!
- Sally is so great....everytime I ride in the car with her she makes sure the radio is tuned to "my" station.
- I like Johnny and Sally because they NEVER flaunt their wealth in front of me. In fact, they go to great lengths to keep their valuables as well as their wallets and purses as far away from me as possible. How cool is THAT???
- Sally and Johnny always ask me how the entire black community feels about certain topics. I really respect this about them because I am black and therfore obviously know how all blacks feel about everything!
This post is dedicated to earnest. Hang in there, buddy. It's your pendulum. [via Propella]
It's true, I'm back. After months locked away on jury duty I am back. Many thanks for the intrepid earnest jones for his station as Abrasion editor during my leave, a huge feat considering his ugly ugly ugly UGLY work schedule. In addition, a huge thanks to the host of contributing editors and guest contributors. We're always looking for fresh talent so if you've got a wry twist and a sly sense of humour, let us know.
Assorted Abrasionists have got a date with the night. Toronto's hot bill at the Phoenix: The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Brooklyn's latest buzz band TV on the Radio and local rockers Death From Above. Come hang with earnest jones, Gigi LaFaux, Crisis Girl and crew.
As lurid and sexually suggestive as it may sound, the company XO Play has introduced a role playing game for the iPod. It's actually a dungeons and dragon style "choose your own adventure" game played through the Notes function on your iPod. You can download it from the net but it's not freeware.
Lisa Marie Presley's 14 year old daughter, and thus Elvis's granddaughter, Riley Keough, is the latest fashion celebrity starfucked clothes horse being whored for headlines on Milanese catwalks. Move over Paris Hilton, Ivanka Trump and Lauren Bush, your 15 seconds just got crowded in. [via stereogum]
It appears that Sophia Coppola's latest Academy Award-nominated film Lost in Translation isn't tickling everyone's funny bones with its story of multi-level alienation. lost-in-racism.org has sounded the clarion call that the film is in fact a racist slur against the Japanese and should receive no votes come award time.
Frankly, Abrasion has been on pins-and-needles waiting for the much-maligned Orc lobby to disrupt the gala proceedings with lots and lots of green fluids.
The Brit Awards said and done with the big winner being metal spectacular The Darkness. Abrasion pauses to reflect: The Darkness is to rock what Fischerspooner is to dance what Evanescence to is to crap. Who said overwrought, flamboyant video killed the radio star? See the other winners here.
Only in Edmonton would a family allow a four-year old bio-waste factory buffalo saunter to and fro in their house. "He's made a mess on the carpet a couple of times, so now we bring out an ice cream pail whenever he gives us that look," adds owner Jim Sautner on Bailey the buffalo. On entertaining the beast: "He prefers to watch 'The Nature of Things'," said Jim, referring to the Canadian nature television series hosted by world-renowned environmentalist, David Suzuki. On pimping: "We're likely going to find Bailey an agent after all of this settles down," said Jim, who once leased horses to Disney for filming. We'll I suppose that's better than a 400 pound man-eating Bengal tiger in a Harlem apartment. [via Yahoo! / NewYorkish]
From the billing: "This amazing original portrait artwork of Spice Girl Melanie B and Jimmy Gulzar was commissioned by the famous pair and is a one-off that used to hang in their bedroom." All gloriously listed under the title: FOR YOUR VALENTINE. Bidding starts at 1,000 pounds sterling. [via eBay]
Former show business action star Arnie Schwarzenegger says no to gay marriage in California, warning notoriously gay friendly San Francisco to "shut off same-sex marriages". Saying this to the city of San Francisco is probably the equivalent of telling the ocean to "stop being wet". City mayor Gavin Newsom, obviously in the political hotseat to appease his liberal, gay positive constituency kicks open the closet of City Hall, issuing gay marriage licenses like a transvestite at a large size women's shoe sample sale. Abrasion, although ever the progressive liberalites supportive of equal rights and freedoms, does see a downside to the San Francisco gay union position: fewer takers on Toronto's All-Inclusive Gay Marriage and Tourism Package. [via CNN]
Gawker reports Ashton Kutcher is not the 26 year old mimbo he claims to be. According to the National Enquirer, Ashton is in actual fact 30 years old. Abrasion debates the accuracy of these reports, perhaps the various media channels mixing up Ashton's actual age with Ashton's actual I.Q. [via 7Online]
Conan, post-Triumph the insult Dog trouncing on Quebec, delivered an apology to Canada the other night in English, but a native French speaker was by his side to offer a subtitled (and very accurate) translation:
Conan: "People of Quebec, I'm sorry."
Translator: "People of Quebec, I'm an albino jackass."
Conan: "We meant no harm with our comedy piece the other night."
Translator: "The other night, I wet the bed like a little girl."
Conan: "I was a stranger in a strange land and I was very insensitive."
Translator: "I have a small penis." [via NewYorkish]
American Idol judge Simon Cowell slings the shit:
Ruben Stuttard: "He's bigger than he ever was. Ruben's weight is literally out of control."
Justin Guarini: "Justin is, and I mean this as a compliment, a sort of wedding-singer entertainer."
Enrique Iglesias: "Can't sing a note."
Bob Dylan: "Too ugly, too boring, too whiny and too serious."
Britney Spears: "Can't sing"
Mariah Carey: has a "Great voice" but must "Lose the attitude."
Ryan Malcolm: "Who?' (okay so we made that one up. Sort of.) [via NY Post]
Lord Black has launched a $850 million defamation suit against members of Hollinger International Inc. claiming malicious media coverage that has left him a "social leper", a "loathsome laughingstock" to be "pilloried and mocked mercilessly in the media throughout the world." On top of that, Lord Black has been "spurned by and shunned by persons who had personally accepted his hospitality in London, New York and Palm Beach," and has him "compared falsely" with white-collar criminals. "I don't understand the point of [Lord Black's lawsuit], except intimidation obviously," one source said. "It is to intimidate, and to rattle." This "firestorm of international media vilification" created an atmosphere where Lord Black "could be and would be mocked and reviled with impunity and without restraint" throughout the world, the suit alleges. We'd make a snarky remark, but quite frankly, were intimidated, rattled and terrified of being sued. [via The Globe and Mail]
Yes, Valentines day spells L.O.V.E. and homosexuals are no exception. Valentines Day marks a special occasion to tie the noose, er, knot and where better to marry on such a festive, romantic day than in gay ole Toronto? As Toronto remains one of the few progressive cities where gay marriages are legal, six gay and lesbian couple made their way north a legally wed. Lord knows that gay import scheme would help eliminate the tourism drought brought on by SARS. Now all we need to really put the tourism ticker off the map is to repeal those silly marijuana laws. [via FOXNews]
The American media machine finally picks up on the Quebec insult dog routine on the Toronto broadcast of Conan O'Brien that has the politicians on Parliment Hill buzzing and disassociating. Since this happened last week, it's quite possible that the "enhanced delay" switched on at the post Janet Jackson Nipplegate Grammys has been left switched on. [via LowCulture, Gothamist, NewYorkish, Yahoo!]
Venture capitalists are fumbling to get hip to the millions of online hipsters joining internet social networks like Friendster. In the troubled upstart climate, Friendster raked in an estimated $13 million in venture capital. Nothing would make us happier here are Abrasion than to see our happy ex-pat and friendster concoctionist, Jonathan Abrams, be a swelling success. However, should the hype result in a nasty fall, as some analysts portend, we at Abrasion will rename ourselves Schadenfreudester. [via
Who's that lovable little jet hopping, spree shopping teen-age rapscallion? [via UK Sun]
Toronto based artist Jason Kronenwald fashions chewy gummy goodness into lifelike celebrity portraiture. See Britney painted by Bubblicious! Anna Kournikova made with Freedent! Sarah Michelle Geller sculpted from Chiclets! All bubbly blonde, all the time! [via CBCR3]
With a 300 pound slab of concrete, US Militia have sealed the hidey hole where deposed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein was captured. Humourously referring to the soil pit as an "underground bunker", the action was taken, claims a US army spokesperson to prevent it from becoming a tourist attraction. Contiki Tour plans to add the Tikrit "Pit and Sip Watering Hole" after the Corfu "Pink Palace Ozo Smash and Trashed" party circuit look to be stalled indefinitely. [via Yahoo!]
American Christian singer Stacie Orrico (???), acuses Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears of "promoting "degrading" sexuality that makes them bad role models for young girls". Proving that teen Christian singers are gifted with a keen eye for the obvious, Abrasion points out, that "degrading sexuality" is exactly why people are interested. By the way, who is Stacie Orrico? Is she that irrelevant prude singer that clenched out about Janet Jackson's half time show titty flap? Prude: what a cool marketing angle! [via
Well, if there was any speculations, dear CBC >Play host, Jian Ghomeshi, has certainly put them to bed. From his own letter:
and i colour code my bathrooms. they are purple and green, if you must know.
and i like things neat and tidy. and i don¹t like things that are gross. and i use words like "gross."
and i wait for the day when i will be swept off my feet by the PRINCE. he will show me what it sounds like when doves cry.
but, my dear paramours, you must know that i've tried to downplay my princess side in the past. i've tried so hard. for career reasons. i remember the ALL-POWERFUL CBC NEWS EXECUTIVE once told me that my tv host mammal job would be "toast" as soon as "the whole princess side of you gets out." i
recall my EXECUTIVE PRODUCER and FASHIONABLE DIRECTOR screaming "yeah!" and "yes!" at the time. they were pointing. and laughing.
so i've tried, dear paramours, i've tried to keep a lid on things. i've made sure to be seen with copies of MAXIM magazine and THE NATIONAL POST REPORT ON BUSINESS under my arm to prove my knighthood and stealth. i've scolded myself when i've accidentally worn my pink frilly shirt on the air. i know that was wrong. or when i've giggled my schoolgirl (princess) giggle over JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE on the air. that's wrong too. and who cares if justin is cute?! i don't have to talk about it. i should just keep quiet about how much i like justin, like hot cbc newsman MARK KELLEY would.
but now, dear paramours, the jig is up. this week, cbc superstar and newfoundland white-guy-with-an-afro RICK MERCER told a national audience that he considers me a contender for GOVERNOR GENERAL of canada because i have "the eyes of an arabian princess." it's out...
my personal and work life are in shambles. cab drivers say, "thank you princess" and snicker when i get out of the taxi. and THE GUYS WITH THE LED ZEPPELIN SHIRTS WHO BEAT ME UP IN AURORA WHEN I WAS 16 and had failed my driver's licence and had a spikey "gay" orange hairdo and liked THE CURE are probably thinking, "you suck, princess!"
and now, the most important and popular guy in the world, CONAN O'BRIEN, is hitting on me like i was JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT in that movie with the party scene where she's in the hot blue dress. you see, dear paramours, i went to have my semi-exclusive interview with the extremely tall redhead named conan earlier in the week and when conan saw me he gazed into my eyes and said, "you're the princess." it took me aback. he used the same intonation as JULIE CHRISTIE when she said "you're the quarterback" to a comely WARREN BEATTY at the end of "HEAVEN CAN WAIT." i barely caught my breath and responded,
"well, yes i am." i thought things were going well.
and then conan leaned closer and whispered, "i've heard you have the ass of an arabian princess." i was shocked. such crude talk! this is what is wrong with men today, dear paramours. where is the romance? i told him that i may have the backside of an arabian princess (and do i ever!) but that "my eyes are up here, pal." conan called my a silly brown prude and had his publicists tell my producers that he would do a "crap" interview with me that i would regret. and then we did the interview. and then peopled laughed at me. and then i wore my frilly shirt to bed. and that's it.
tough times. what a week."
Now. Abrasion turns to speculation about Rick Mercer...
Re-occuring Conan sketch arsonist, Triumph the Insult Dog, torched French Canadian stereotypes on Thursday nights Toronto edition of the Late Night program. Sensitive federal politicians flare up in defense:
NDP MP Alexa McDonough: the sketch included racial jokes that promote hate and that the feds should demand their money back.
Abrasion' assessment: since when has a NDP'er ever wanted money back? It's always spend, spend, spend!
Mauril Belanger, the deputy government house leader, told the Commons that the government finds nothing amusing about American TV host Conan O'Brien making fun of Quebeckers. And he said Ottawa completely disassociates itself from the material.
Abrasion Assessment: It's called Late Night with Conan O'Brien. And as enticing as it may sound, Late Night with the Canadian House of Parliment is just not the case.
Quebec Conservative, Stephen Harper: "This is the place where our country was founded nearly 400 years ago. We can all make jokes about each other but you don't start telling people in Quebec they have to speak another language. That's completely unacceptable."
Abrasion Assessment: It's an American comedy show, and the person telling the people in Quebec to speak another language is a cigar smoking hand puppet in the shape of a dog. [via National Post]
At the Thursday night taping of Conan O'Brien, Abrasion was fortunate enough to have primo seating. From Adam Sandler making goofy small talk to Stompin' Tom Connors' boss rendition of his Canuck classic "The Hockey Song", the show was a welcome, if not pricey addition to the Toronto entertainment schedule. Most notable, however, was Triumph the Insult Dog's invasion of Quebec City's Winter Carnivale. So offensively funny, it's sure to spawn a firestorm of controversy tomorrow, if not spark the seeds of the next seperatist referendum. Yoikes!
A movie of Abrasion favoured television program, The Simpsons, is rumoured to be in the works: "Buzz about the long talked about Simpsons movie buzzed anew Tuesday when DVDFanatic.com posted an interview with producer Mike Reiss, another scribe apparently on the 'toon's big-screen development team. "It's a reality after being just sort of this phantom idea," Reiss said. "I think it is really gonna happen." Reis also later joked, "And like Scooby-Doo, The Simpsons movie is "gonna suck pretty hard." [via
Monday Report with Rick Mercer has become a Abrasion must watch. In the tradition of scathing online polls (including the notorious petition to hold a referedum to have Reform leader Stockwell Day change his name to Doris), Rick and co. are now polling who should be Canada's next Governor General. The candidate list to succeed the honourable Adrienne Clarkson:
- Don Newman, the host of Politics on CBC Newsworld
- Wayne Rostad, host of On the Road Again, because he’s already used to travelling.
- And of course, Jian Ghomeshi, host of Play because he has the eyes of an Arabian princess.
And when asked of his nomination, Jian responds, "and don't forget the pout of an Arabian hooker."
Vote for the typically appointed position here.
The demonic spawn of heinous trend swallowing, trucker hat branding Von Dutch, genetically spliced with miserable foot tampon Ugg booties... call a priest- fashion needs an exorcism. [via taleoftwocities]
Toronto's CN Tower is under threat of losing it's title as worlds tallest free standing tower to a new Giant Solar Chimney to be built in the Australia outback. Upon completion, the EnviroMission Solar Chimney will measure one kilometre (3, 300 feet) tall, which is more than twice the height of the CN Tower. When asked the price, an Australian government official held an extended pinky finger to it's lips and proclaimed, "One Billion Dollars", referring to it as the "Alan Parsons Project". [via Betterhumans]
A few days back, the first of what may be a flood of class action lawsuits over the armoured appearance of Janet Jackson's nipple at the Super Bowl last Sunday was filed. Terri Carlin, a 47-year-old Knoxville bank employee, contends that Jackson's exposure and other "sexually explicit conduct" during halftime festivities caused viewers to "suffer outrage, anger, embarrassment and serious injury." Plus America get another crack at suing the bejeezus out of another Jackson. Man, those litigious Americans will sue the shirt right off your front. [via The Smoking Gun]
The authoritative system police of online social network cleansing. In other words, Josh kicking fakesters, the only fun reason to actually be on Friendster, off Friendster. That's okay, though. Now that Abrasion's gone all Orkut (thanks Rannie), that shit's old anyway. [via Wired]
Conan O'Brien at the zeitgeist of (another) celebrity slathered Toronto SARS recovery scheme. With guests ranging from Michael J. Fox, Mike Myers, Jim Carrey, "Will & Grace" star Eric McCormack and the bands Nickelback and Barenaked Ladies, there will be plenty of Can Con star wattage to appear over four nights of taping at Toronto's Elgin Theater. Poo poo-ers include a Canadian taxpayer group and the National Post newspaper, miffed over the roughly $1 million dollar of public funding going towards the event. Abrasion is notably miffed at the lack of tickets. O'Brien quipped that he wanted to "tell everybody that they've got a ticket and hope that there's rioting." [from Journal Gazette/Times-Courier]
E! Online reports Janet Jackson has been cut from the presenters list at the 2004 Grammy Awards. Originally slated to present Luther Vandross with a Tribute Award, her breast bearing stunt has angered CBS execs enough that "she would either bow out herself or be asked to do so", according to the New York Times. The nation wilts as Janet Jackson's tit (domain name is still for sale!) will not appear on national television for a second time.
Ex-pat editrix Boonie Fuller, currently editorial director of the American Media reigns, has her share of just desserts exacted upon her by anger ex-staffers. From Page Six: "An anonymous former staffer tells the March issue of Vanity Fair that a few of Fuller's fed-up editorial assistants befouled a free meal that Bonnie had ordered them to pack up and send home in a company car so she and her husband could enjoy it later. "She was just being so, so horrible to so many people and . . . look, I swear to God, we're really nice people," the ex-staffer tells the magazine. "You just don't know what we went through." One assistant "had a bad cold, so she, um, pulled some stuff out of her nose. That went in the mini-souffle chocolate cakes. And the loaf of bread . . . that went inside my pants." Goober souffle and bread humping aside, there are also reports the the Fuller has softened from her earlier iron fisted days: "I have a friend who says she's not so bad to work for anymore," says an ex-staffer. "I tell my friend, 'You've just got the Stockholm syndrome. You've fallen in love with your captor.'"
Stereogum's got the goods, complete with photo, of this startling new trend infecting the nation of starfucking celebrity worship. The mainstreaming nipple shield beacon, Janet, Ms. Nipple if you're nasty, goes on record admitting the stunt was as premeditated as a Barbera Walters sobbing celebrity interview. Ready the nosehair pluckers! Nipple shield mockery is the new post ironic. Abrasion weights the situation: better the nipple shield fad plucked from the malaise of Superbowl scenery than the resurgence of flabby fat fuckers streaking.
MSNBC extolls the trampiness trend, as hawked by the likes of Christina (vamps like a burlesque stripper), Britney (gone from schoolgirl to slut), Pink (prepackaged punk), as a marketing misfire. "The problem is, the public just doesn’t seem to be in the mood for it, and the recent mediocre album sales by Spears, Pink and similar artists may reflect a classic case of mismarketing." Slutting it up, a la snail trailblazing Madonna just doesn't sell albums anymore. Yawn.
Why should only humans joylessly sift through endless profiles of people they are unlikely to ever meet? Now, with Dogster, you can pimp your pooch on the net, complete with all the necessary details like photo, gender, location, pet peeves and favourite toy. Abrasion ponders, if you want to leave a testimonial, do you have to lift leg and scent it?
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